Now now, calm down. I'm not about to go all 'Radio 4' on you and start writing the kind of wet-tissue tosh you hear on the Toady...oops! Freudian slip – the Today Programme. This will probably disappoint Art-Girl as she actually likes Thought For The Day, and actually has around half a dozen of 'em on her iPod. In my not so humble opinion this is a waste of good solid state memory (Art-Girl no doubt holds the same opinion about the many hours of prog rock that fill my iPod), but each to his or her own, right? So, you can relax Gentle Reader – I'm not about to start spouting platitudes like some Anglican lady vicar who doesn't actually believe in God, but does believe that if we all hold hands, sing 'Kumbaya', and ban the private car all will be well with the world. No, what you're about to get is TFTD Barguest-stylee.
Like the Lord my mind works in mysterious ways, and odd (sometimes very odd) thoughts or questions will arise unbidden. Anyway, here's today's: vegetarian bunny boilers – how does that work then? I mean seriously, is it even possible to have a veggie bunny boiler? Think about it: even though she's not gonna actually eat the bunny it must surely be against her veggie principles to stick it – alive - in a pot and boil it into a nice threatening message. So, what's the veggie bunny boiler to do to get back at the besuited Michael Douglas-a-like lothario that's used and spurned her? Well, she could always give up her vegetarian ways but, given that such people tend to be very earnest about their cause (I'm generalising, but that doesn't, necessarily, make it untrue), that's unlikely. She could always use a soft toy bunny, but given the way many kids abuse their toys boiling's gonna be something of a mercy for the rabbit.
Nope, I think there's only one answer: replace the bunny with something that's...acceptable to a vegetarian. So, if you've been having it away with a veggie, you've dumped her and she hasn't taken it too well, don't be surprised if your missus comes home to find a roasted parsnip or some lightly steamed broccoli in your pressure cooker. And, as I don't find cooked vegetables in a pot on the cooker particularly frightening or threatening, I think we've arrived at a tip: chaps if you are gonna play away from home (and your humble blogger neither recommends nor endorses such behaviour) pick a veggie in which to dip your wick. After all, what's the worst that's gonna happen? Your wife's gonna come home and think you've started cooking the dinner. Bonus!
Chin chin
Afterthought: writing this got me musing on the film 'Fatal Attraction' and the implausibility of it's plot. I mean, really, would you wanna bone Glenn Close? Me neither. She's got a face like a bloke and she looks scarier than Idi Amin having a tizzy. No, do the sensible thing: stick with the rather tasty missus back home and give the bunny a long and happy life.
